is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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