Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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