eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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