Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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