Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize