I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
