Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
