google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize