dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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