she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize