I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
