so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
