Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
