Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
