She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize