Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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