apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
