They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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