yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
no. you can't hotbox the world.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
