PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I use my feet as sexual weapons
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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