I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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