I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
