He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
