I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
