I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
