I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
