matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
