How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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