kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
