the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
