Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
