I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
