Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
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