Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
