too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
