Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
