mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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