I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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