i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
