I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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