just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
