I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
