i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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