Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
