he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
