Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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