can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
