Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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