Cold hands, warm shart.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Houston, we have a blender
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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