did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
