my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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