Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
