If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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