I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
