Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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