The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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