I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
