love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
