turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
