omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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