I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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