Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
