So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
