Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
