Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
love makes seman taste better
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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