grandma shit on top of the toilet
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
