i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The feeling are messing with the penis
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
