what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
