Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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