Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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