its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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