Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
