I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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