You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
