my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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