dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
