jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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