How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize