so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
