whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
